Violence Against Women: a Violation of uBuntu and Human Rights

Copyright ©2019 José Cossa

Spoken by José Cossa and Wubit Mekuria

Give me a definition of love

Give me a definition of what it means to...

Be in love with someone and

I’ll tell you how love revealed itself to me... how

Love finally showed up after so many years

Many years of loving

Loving unconditionally

Loving indistinguishably

Give me a definition of love

Give... me... a definition... of love

(...)

See... I was told that love is something you learn

You commit to someone and then...

Then you learn to love that someone you committed to

See... I was told that on that journey to love

It was your responsibility to pour out love

Find it in you ways to show love and that love

That love was the glue for our relationship

That love that you pour out was responsible to glue our relationship together

You.. only you were responsible

You, the girl

You, the young lady

You, the woman

You feel me?! You... THE WOMAN!

You, only you, were responsible to love

(...)

I’ll tell you how love finally revealed itself to me, but wait...

The journey was long... long arduous

Filled with dehumanizing efforts in the name of love

Filled with abuse and occasional soothing

Filled with beatings, gifts, insults, pampering

Filled with body humiliation and shaming

Amidst body worship and caressing

I felt loved and cared for

While feeling hated and despised, viciously

I felt wanted and desired

Yet rejected, neglected, and brutalized...

I’ll tell you how love found its way to me

Its way through the rubble of pain and suffering

Through the layers of bruises carved by your hands and words and action

The suffocating choking you inflicted on me

The drowning oceans of tears I could not save myself from

I cried for help, but no one could hear me

You heard me, but my hurting pleasured your narcissistic self

Your demonic spirit felt nourished by my helplessness

You... vehemently and intentionally

Plotted to strip me of my dignity

You... defied my humanity and spit on my uBuntu

In your eyes I became worse than objects you used and tossed

You managed to twist and switch the perception of love into hate

(...)

Oh shut up...

There’s nothing you can teach me about love

Your stupid perceptions of love are informed by a perception of weakness

And I... I will not succumb to such weakness

I’m a man... and real men... real men aren’t weak

Real men teach their girls a lesson with harshness

Real men affirm their girls‘ obedience through pain

Real men buy their ladies silence and conformity with money, jewelry, and collars

Real men affirm their ladies’ passivity with ‘good girl’ statements

Real men control their women’s mobility and action through bondage and restraints

Real men affirm their women’s subordination with ‘branding’

This ain’t no game or role play nonsense... this, right here, is real life

So you... you shut up and remember...

Remember that you’re lucky to have me...

You’re not going to amount to anything

Less you learn to listen and obey

Gain some weight to make me happy

Lose the stupid weight and stop embarrassing me!

See... I’m in charge... and you...

you need me to protect you against your own demons

You need me in order to survive this men’s world

You need me to validate you as something

See... Without me you are worthless

You, woman, have no dignity (Period)!

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This poem was first presented, in solidarity with all women and the cause of combating violence against women and girls, at the regional offices of the World Food Programme, Cairo, Egypt. We thank Omneya, Heba, Bilal, and Intisar, for making it possible for us to share on this platform.